There’s a thick fog of mystery that hangs over the college admissions process. This time of the year, high school seniors and their parents alike become plagued by fear, insecurity, and borderline hysteria. The tremendous pressure of choosing colleges, applying, and getting in, can grip even the usually rational people, especially seniors who are already stressed out with course work, sports commitments, and social life.
These are not the ideal circumstances in which to present the best you and to be making important decisions about your future.
What can you do to reduce stress and make the process a productive and rewarding experience? Here are five tips from Benjamin Morgan, co-founder of Vine & Douglas and expert educational consultant who has advised hundreds of students applying to highly selective colleges:
1. Acknowledge your emotions
There are a great number of emotions wrapped up in the college application process, fear being the most toxic of them all. Fear is assuaged and negated when a light is shined upon the thing causing it. The fear you feel during the college admission process may come from several sources – the fear of the unknown, fear of judgment, fear of failure, fear of missing out, and fear of commitment.
Uncertainty causes fear because you don’t know how the process works and you can’t predict the outcome.
Putting together your application for colleges can cause performance-related fear and anxiety because you worry about how you will be judged by others – admissions officers most directly, but also teachers, parents, and peers. You believe there are certain expectations you need to meet, and you don’t want to disappoint others or yourself.
You may also have feelings of self doubt because you are afraid that you may not have good enough grades, test scores, extracurriculars, whatever the thing is, for whatever schools you are considering.
Not being able to visualize the consequences of your decisions can make you second-guess your choices. You are afraid to make the wrong choice, and wonder what would happen if you chose differently, and hesitate to make long term commitments to avoid feeling trapped in the future.
Fear can produce other negative emotions in you, such as anxiety, jealousy, anger, guilt, shame, and frustration. These emotions in turn can cloud your thoughts and negatively affect your decision making when it comes to college admissions. Recognizing where the emotions come from and understanding why you feel the way you do, can help you acknowledge the negative emotions as they arise, put them aside, and regain your focus.
Acknowledging the positive emotions in the admissions process, such as anticipation, excitement, encouragement, confidence, fulfillment, and surprise, can help you build a healthy psychological reserve to make the journey ultimately rewarding.
2. Realize you have control
It’s important to realize that you have control. Schools are competing for you as much as you feel like you are for them. You are the one to decide what schools to apply to, and what school to attend at the end.
You are not powerless in the process. On the contrary, you have a lot of options and choices to make. Sure, you have to report your grades and your scores as they are, but you get to choose what else you tell the admissions office. You choose what you write about in your personal statement and supplementary essays, who you ask for a recommendation, what extracurricular experiences to include on your resume, and how you present yourself.
You may be swayed in different directions by pressures from family, peers, teachers, and society, but remember that college admission is about your future and your dreams. No one will be living the reality of campus life for the next four years, except you. So what matters is finding a place that can support your growth into the person you want to become, and all others, including your educational consultant, are here to support you in this process.
Knowing and believing that you have some power and control will help to domish the sense of feeling overwhelmed and helpless.
3. Sometimes, choose to leg go
You also have to surrender a certain amount. Your job is to craft the best overall application that is both competitive and compelling. The school’s job is to admit individuals that fits their agenda of the year. In his book Who Gets In and Why: A Year Inside College Admissions, investigative journalist and education writer Jeff Selingo gives several examples to illustrate how the admission decisions are tied into the school’s own goals and may have nothing to do with any individual applicant.
Oftentimes, you don’t know what the school’s agenda is when you apply. (Although with decades of experience and familiarity with the culture and developmental goals of various schools, a seasoned educational consultant should be able to give you some pointers.) Every school is not just admitting individuals, but an entire class. It’s a big puzzle and your piece may fit into one school’s mosaic, but not that of another school.
Schools strive for diversity of geography, ethnicity, socioeconomic backgrounds, and countless other factors when assembling their incoming class. It’s not personal, but it sure feels like it sometimes. Let it go. Focus on you and what you have to offer.
4. Take your time
Your application represents the sum of who you are. Your skills, talents, personality and achievements were not created overnight and neither should your application, it requires time, effort, passion, honesty and some soul searching.
We alway recommend that you start early to give yourself plenty of time to explore, ask questions, and learn about the process before embarking on the application journey. At the beginning of your college search, keep an open mind and absorb information, then narrow it down to the list of schools to apply to, with the acknowledgement that you may need to revisit and revise the list as you go.
Putting a college application together is an opportunity for introspection. You want to take the time to reflect on who you are , how you got where you are now, and the circumstances that make you, you. The application should tell your story the way you want it to be told, and it won’t be as effective if you are rushed.
Also give others plenty of time to help you. You should request recommendation letters at least 4 weeks ahead of the deadline. Your recommenders, who should already know you very well, need the time to collect their thoughts and craft a strong and authentic letter that supports your goals.
5. For parents, trust your child and take a back seat view
The application process can be viewed as an opportunity for both parent and child to learn about each other. You may be having deep discussions with your parents about your hopes and and dreams and what you believe will make you happy. You may also be breaching some topics for the first time, such as the financial status of your family and how to support a college education.
Sometimes the college application process can bring families together in a shared effort. Often, however, it can create friction, differing opinions on what school or program a student should go to, the expense of one school over another, the geographic location of a school, what essay topics are acceptable, the list goes on.
The process can easily overwhelm busy parents who are trying to balance work and family. They don’t usually understand the college application process. Things have changed a lot since parents of teenagers today went to college. They may even seem overbearing when they try to apply their own experiences and beliefs onto the child.
In this case, a little bit of distance can be beneficial. A neutral and supportive adult, such as a teacher, counselor, or professional educational consultant, can help guide parents and student to achieve better understanding of their interests and goals. They also have the distance and objectivity necessary to evaluate and advise without judgment.
Final Advice
The college application process can feel like the longest six months in the life of a high school senior. It’s complicated and emotionally charged, but it’s also an opportunity for growth, introspection, and connection.
By acknowledging both the challenges and positive experiences that come with this journey, students and families can transform a potentially overwhelming experience into a rewarding one. The application is about embracing your unique story, taking the time to present your best self, and trusting the process and your decisions.
Ultimately, applying to college is more than just securing a spot at a school; it’s about taking the first step toward building the future you envision for yourself. This is a collaborative effort between the student, parents, and their support network, with the goal of finding the right fit for growth and success.
By staying organized, seeking support, and remaining true to your values, you can approach the process with confidence and optimism. The lessons learned here — about resilience, self-awareness, and decision-making — will serve you well far beyond college admissions.